ATTENTION EVERYONE! THIS IS A PUBLIC HEALTH WARNING!
It looks as though that cretin Fearne Cotton is on a full-scale campaign to make the world of mainstream music even more of a cesspool. She is currently doing her best to make a song (if you could call it that) by Sam & The Womp popular.
The offensive record in question is called ‘Bom Bom’, and sounds like a rejected Vengaboys b-side. If you really feel that you need to know what we’re up against, then listen to it here, but get ready to close your browser window and do NOT listen to it in a public place. It’s unfair to inflict this on innocent bystanders. Symptoms of hearing ‘Bom Bom’ include, but are not limited to: wishing you were deaf, feeling deeply depressed about the state of humanity, or becoming homicidal.
If you have ever read the fantastic ‘Kill Your Friends‘ by John Niven, then you’ll know what I’m on about when I say, “It sounds how I’d imagine the fictional German techno tune ‘(Why Don’t You) Suck My Fucking Dick’ would sound.” Bizarrely, Sam & The Womp are actually signed to Stiff Records, the seminal record label responsible for launching the careers of punk and new wave heavyweights such as The Adverts, The Damned, Nick Lowe and Devo. How things have changed…
The best way to stay protected against this cancerous sound is to carry an mp3 player and noise cancelling headphones at all times. Good luck!